This week, as I carved out time for gratitude, I realized much of it centers on people in my life: those who hold space for me to be myself, in all my messy imperfection. These people remind me that being human is not something to fix, but something to honor. This post is for them.
A Few Things I’m Grateful For:
For all the people in my life who allow me to be in process—who recognize the weight it takes to show up as I am: arriving late because I’ve spent too long trying to practice presence somewhere else, my words tumbling out in typos as my fingers fail to keep up with my thoughts; my mind forever teeming with ideas, stuck in the beautiful chaos of caring too much, being all in or completely out, and slowly learning to meet others anew as I meet myself again—this time, with less fear and less shame— thank you.
I’m grateful to be present enough now to see my patterns, to feel safe enough in myself to try breaking them. Grateful to be at a point where I can say out loud: I’m not perfect. I’m chronically late (but working on it). I don’t always communicate well, and I wrestle with trusting that my loved ones aren’t trying to hurt me when I feel misunderstood. I struggle to stay grounded in the present, often rushing toward the next goal instead of just being here. And sometimes, I withdraw into doubt and shame because it feels easier than risking being a burden.
But despite all that, I try. I revisit relationships with love and curiosity. I show up, even when it’s messy. I’m not quite sure how to explain why this constant trying (even if it means having messed up), is such a central source of self love and self gratitude for me. The only way I can put it is that somehow the untidy truth of who and how I am feels better—more powerful than the unscathed myth.
Like so many of you reading, I’ve tried self sufficient in my internal care process–to give myself the space to show up as I am, and to believe that it’s enough. But holding your own hand will never feel the same as having someone else hold it. There’s a kind of healing that comes from being held with acceptance in the gaze of someone you care about deeply especially when you’ve spent so long silently believing you’d never have that.
If you’re one of the people who treats me like I’m enough just as I am—whether I’m still figuring things out, showing up all in or all out, late or uncertain—thank you. Please know I am truly so grateful for your presence in my life.
I’m learning to show up as myself with confidence and self-compassion while holding space for the feelings of others. Finding this balance isn’t a one stop destination but a constant process of showing up as I am (even if its ‘wrong’ or scared or shut down) with the promise to return, return to myself and my choices and my feelings– with new eyes. In a world that often makes us feel like we have to choose between peace with ourselves and keeping peace with others, I’m learning that I don’t have to choose. I can just be me—even if that means being late, indecisive, unsure, or caring with my whole heart in a world that often frowns upon that.
I’m very much a work in progress. And I’m grateful for the people who offer me grace, acceptance, and a willingness to meet me throughout my process and their own processes. For those who see that my trying, stumbling, and showing up imperfectly isn’t failure—it’s me returning to myself. It’s me learning self-acceptance, learning to allow myself to be.
To the ones who remind me that I’m enough, lovable, and worthy of kindness just as I am: thank you. Your ability to see me is a gift I hold close.
You’re teaching me that being in a process doesn’t have to mean being alone.
And for that, I am grateful.
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